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MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity - Collage - Morph

how how true...

To think bad thoughts is really the easiest thing in the world. If
you leave your mind to itself it will spiral down into ever
increasing unhappiness. To think good thoughts, however, requires
effort. This is one of the things that discipline - training - is
about.

-- James Clavell, in his novel "Shogun"

Jasabone

the fall

So the bottom fell out.. I found myself fighting for my sanity and my graduation. There was a most vindictive college professor who had made my life a living hell. She was one of the cruelest people I have ever run across. And oh how the thought came about how sweet it might to make that a literal event. Finally, I got past her so I could finish my last few classes. Three weeks before the semester ended I visited the animal shelter in search of a buff colored Cocker Spaniel, my ideal dog. As fate would have it, my path lead me to the stall of a malnourished and very sad black Heinz 57 mutt. The shelter acutually had the cocker I wanted and that was a rare occassion... as I had visited this shelter many times in search of my new friend. But I kept going back to this black dogs pen. She had the saddest eyes I had ever seen. Life had treated her w/nothing but pain and heartache. And I must say my eyes weren't in much better shape.

We were both broken, hurting and trying to find our way through this life. She came home with me after showing some incredible moxy and spunk at the last minute. It was a spur of the moment most spontaneous thing I had done and also one of the very best!! I learned that you have to be spontaneous at times even when it seems crazy at the moment. We went to the vet and he wasn't sure she would live. I on the other hand had no doubt and had promised her she would never go without a meal over again. She didn't have to hide food or eat rocks ever again..

I took her home and named her Jasmine. She forgave me since jasmine is actually a white plant. She then proceeded to tell me she was acually an Italian diva dog who deserved the very best. We walked almost daily along the river among the fragrant blooming flowers. We took roadtrips w/the radio blaring and her head hanging out the window seeking better times. We were inseperable unless I was in my final classes or at work. And she pretented not to drink champagne, smoke cigarettes and plant her butt in front of the Tv on the couch while I was gone. She was the type to have a great party and not let on one had occurred.

Several pizza and spaghetti dinners later and some time passed. And before you knew it the sadness had been replaced by some remarkable healing. We both learned to trust again and seek out life. There wasn't a dog or kid she didn't like. Cats on the other hand were a deceptive enemy. She learned not to trust them quite quickly and had made it her life's mission that the one cat that did her trust in would forever mark the entire species forever in rambunctious and highly audible chases.
She also learned that living w/a very young child could also make for some of the best meals and recreation around. And he could never figure out just what happened to the food he was holding.

We were a match as well when it came to stubborness. She never did fetch, come or anything else unless it was her idea. And I pretty much allowed it.. Realizing that this diva deserved some attitude.. Jasabone and I lived in harmony until I got married. We were a package deal and yet I found my husband and my dog at odds due to jealousy... on both sides.. go figure.. And as usual.. Jasabone won..
Then we expanded the family to included an American Staffordshire Terrior and Jas held her own once again. What a pair those two were.. And she allowed Brandy to think she was the alpha. They were our kids since we figured we would never have kids.. Our parents even referred to them as the grand dogs..

So getting back to the question of letting go.. you can never really let go to prepare.. And in her final two years she earned the right to lounge in the assisted living accommodations of Mama, Daddy and MawMaw. There she found a fantastic concierge, daily laundry service, and the finest eating establishment she had ever had. She literaly became the princess diva dog she had always told me she was entitled to. And her thanks to Marshall and Rachel being so rough and young to understand the daily needs and requirements led her to her promise land. The land of milk and honey. The utmost retirement home for them all. It was the hardest thing I have done in many respects in leaving her behind, but I knew it was what was best for her. I ached for her everyday and loved her more than I could think was possible. And my family did as well, especially my dad. She was one special diva dog who somehow got misplaced in life and then found her glory.

There will never be another Jasabone and I pray never a road that leads my path under those circumstances again. We healed each other in only a way that God knew we each needed. And what a blessing she was..a pain in the butt and a true blessing..Ironically, I have my earphones on and the song playing is "And Give Me Something to Believe in".. Maybe not a coincidence.. Thanks for the ride Jazzy it was all worth it with you...

The high life

How does a person say goodbye to one of the most precious friends she has ever had after 18 yrs? I had been preparing myself for this event to occur. Unfortunately, the truth is one can ever really prepare for these events since a person can never fully comprehend just how much someone can mean to you until you painfully endure the loss when it actually occurs.

Nineteen years I was in my final semesters of school working at a the dream job having the time of my life. Truthfully, I had never been so sure of myself, what I wanted and where I wanted to be. My ground was finally firmly planted in the present and I was having the time of my life. My job was as a wedding coordinator for a very talented and much in demand photographer in the city I loved. He put me in charge of all aspects of wedding accounts. The only thing I didn't do was handle the equipment and take the photographs. He has won so many awards and truly brought his skill into pure art.

The job took me into a world I was unaccustomed to..this smalltown girl found herself in the throws of the bluebloods who had money to spend and loved to celebrate good times. My boss taught me some of the most valuable lessons in dealing with life. He taught me how to read people and how to treat them. Basically, there are two types of people in this world. The terms we used were the warm fuzzies (of which I'm sure you have already figured out) and the cold prickly. The formula goes that within about a minute or two of meeting someone, you will have figured out which type they are. And from there you treat these two types very differently. To even think of going up and warmly hugging a cold prickly will definitely cause a very uncomfortable encounter from then on. And to be distant and cold to a fuzzy will also betray your relationship. Practically everything I have done since this job has been a result of this quick lesson.

I also learned that there are two types of wealth. The old money and the new money. Some of the nicest and most considerate people with tons of class come from old money. They are conservative, precise and structured individuals who value doing good works and conservation. That's not to say that they will not spend money or have fun w/what they have. They usually dress conservatively and many would never be thought of as having vast amounts of money. And then there are the new rich. They often will dress flashy, individualistic and are much more loud in manner. And they will spend money like they've never had it..which is exactly the case.

My skills at observing and figuring people out became so much easier and clearer once I learned some these traits. Now I will say that this formula isn't 100% accurate as people are individuals but on the whole it rang quite true.
I was literally drinking out of a firehose while working this very stressful. And my boss gave me full reign over the entire account.. All he did was take the photos and hand over the artwork. I say this as if it wasn't anything to it on his part. But actually, he had each person's job assigned and we were fully responsible for the outcome. He left the people skills to us in the firm. He literally left his baby in our hands and I was determined not to fail him. As he had worked his butt off getting to the pt. in his life where he could focus on the aspects of the business that was his passion.

It wasn't until I left the job that I fully realized just what all had occurred and all that I had learned in such a short amount of time. We did weddings where the receptions cost more than my entire college education (all 7 yrs. of it). And those receptions were the norm for this group. We travelled all over the city in all the nicest of places. To say I was a fish out of water would be an understatement. But I handled myself very well.. that I am proud of. And I had been doing weddings for 7 yrs. prior to this in my hometown.. to the point I was sick of attending 1-2 weddings almost every weekend. But these were of a different caliber so they were exciting. The down fall would have to be the pitchers of Perrier water instead of tap water you are dying for while working your hiney off.
The weddings took us to the state capital and I snuck into the off limits Senate room before a Senator's daughter got married. The country clubs became too numerous to count. But the one I enjoyed the most was of the military full honors that we did. The groom was a blackhawk helicopter pilot and his bride's father was a four star general. The most difficult part was getting cooperation from the highest ranking officers to come w/me to partake in a picture or two. Once in my life, my smalltown raising and ignorance worked for me. My bossiness and refusal to take no for an answer allowed me to order these people around. And it was humorous to watch how they were unaccustomed to being handled or talked to like that. And then while watching election results one evening I recognized a few names and realized and recalled what I had said to handle some very prestigous and very high ranking judges at another wedding. This job allowed me to prove to myself and a very successful man that I could wing it and pull off great accomplishments with very little direction. It's amazing how the fear of failure can push a person to achieve great things. School was going great as well. I had finally found my self confidence and wings to set out on my own.

And then it happened.. The bottom fell out and shattered me into a million pieces.

Special Gift

As some of my friends and family know, I have been volunteering at Marshall's school this school year. Little did I know just how rewarding these experiences would be. Funny, I was just looking for a way to get out of the house for a while when Rachel was taking her dance program. The gig at the library has been feeding my thirst and passion for children's literature. I only there had been the caliber of authors and illustrators when I was younger.. It's like i'm in heaven and I get to check out whatever I want. Woo hoo.. this is better than being in a candy store.. And I have been thinking about finding a job in literacy once the workplace comes calling once again after the kids are settled in their school schedules.

The cherry on top has to be the opportunity of mentoring an adorable first grader. Since I have been meeting with him, it seems the week drags on a little slower until I meet with him again. We hang out for 30 minutes or an hour if I have lunch with him and one of his buddies. We can pretty much go to any free space in the school during our time. We usually go to the mentoring room where we get to play games or go on the computer. He has shown me some awesome educational sights for our kids.

When I first met him, to say his young life was in turmoil would be an understatement. He didn't like school, didn't have any friends other than the older adults working at the school. In the little time we have hung out,he has literally blossomed into an outgoing, funny and well liked leader in his class. When we walk down the hall I get the opportunity to see him interact w/ kids of all ages. He knows many kids and loves to laugh, joke and act like a normal outgoing kid. And it has been a wonderful experience to watch the fear, insecurity and over imagination calm down into security, courage and a better sense of reality. My joy is immense and yet I also have to admit that I yearn for the time to continue getting to hang out with him. This school year is flying by and he's making such progress.. the best news would be he would not need a special friend to help him achieve his goals. And yet it will hurt if we have acheived what we have needed to do to get him to this point. He may not need to miss class to hang out with an old lady like me.. and that would be good news and sad.

We have used art, drawing and games to keep out conversations not gifted. No child should never have to live through and endure what he has lived or carried upon his shoulders. but the sad thing is many kids today do. Thankfully, we have programs as this one to try and help these kids out. And he's very blessed to have a mom who allows him to spend time with me to hang out with. Some parents can get jealous and not agree to a program that will help their kids. What a priveledge and honor it has been to have this child enter my life. The week never comes soon enough so that I can get my Huge Hug that he gives when we meet and depart. What a blessing he is and I pray he continues to keep plugging away.. He has the potential to become a very special and talented young man. I hope I'm around or in contact to see it happen. What an awesome school district we are able to be associated with for our kids..