Monday, November 3, 2008

What a Sat. night!!

Ok.. I have to admit I really don't get into sports.. Football especially.. My choice of sports is tennis and basketball to watch on television. However, I have ALWAYS been a Red Raider. It's the school my dad took some classes while at another school and my sister graduated from. It's the school I always wanted to go to, until we moved so far away. Tech has always been the underdog. It's in West Texas and the people have the dreaded distinctive Texas drraawwwllll that most people associate w/ Texas linguistics.

However, the accomplishment it made for itself Saturday night has given the school national attention. The rivalry between The University of Texas and Tech has been one sided for years. UT pretty much stands for everything Tech does not. So every year, Tech's one game they work hardest at winning is beating the T-Sippers. UT on the other hand pretty much could care less as if they were just another fly to swat that's a nuisance. UT has the most expensive and wealthy athletic department in the country. Those guys are pampered beyond belief. So they usually acquire the cream of the crop in the recruits. They also are famous for a team that consistently gets into legal trouble and causes tons of bad press.

Tech on the other hand does not have a war chest in funding. And many players that choose them play for the education and the love of the game. I'm sure they are treated well, just not with all the bells and whistles. Tech had never made it into the national rankings before. And to play UT at home with them being ranked #1 in the nation was "The Game of a Lifetime". I proudly wore my tshirt and would hear both good and jestful ribbing this past week. (and any other week as well)! Around these parts.. burnt orange longhorns on shirts are as plentiful and litter on the side of the road. It's like seeing a moose in these parts...

Anyway, Tech totally dominated UT. They scored, the blocked, they sacked and was awesome. UT had a good comeback in the final minutes of the game.
So they were leading for the first time by one pt. with a little over a minute left to play. Tech refused to lose this game and worked the ball down the field as quickly as they could. They ran in a beautiful, gorgeous and winning touchdown w/one second left on the clock.. It was Goosebump Great. They accomplished what they had set out to do and icing on the cake is they are now ranked 2nd in the nation. They have a tough schedule up ahead, but they already beat the team that beat the teams they have left on their roster. If they put into those games the heart they put into Sat. game, they could be a leading contender for the final.

It was an AWESOME 4 hrs. And I watched almost every single play!! (and I'm a coach's kid.. who could never do that before).. Thanks Tech.. It took my mind off the worrisome election, war, economy and all the other stressors for a grand time.
What a great way to start the week.. Go Red Raiders!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

"Have you ever been there? Stand Up.. Testify"

"The truth is parents are not interested in justice.
They just want quiet."

Bill Cosby

Let me say this...

"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the
freedom of thought which they avoid." Soren Kierkegaard

Hits Home

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way

Carl Sandburg

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

My aim

"There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend." Unknown

Thursday, October 16, 2008

new song

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

So there ARE some good things about getting old

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the differenc

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

grab a chair and i'll stand on the soapbox for a while..

I just can not sit still any longer and not voice how I feel about this upcoming election. This past year I have been truly depressed and disallusional about politics and the direction our country is going. My attention didn't get stirred until I heard the ruckus over John McCain's selection for Vice President. Then I truly listened to what McCain was saying where he placed the value of our country and the direction he intends to take us. We have been ridiculed, targeted by terrorists, and even our own citizens have mocked our country and the situation w find ourselves. As I have stated before, my grandfather fought for our freedoms and the freedoms of a terrorized and agonized world. The domination and threat were the highest ever to our world w/Japan, Hitler and Mussolini. It was a war that needed to be fought and had to be won.

My grandfather was one of many men who served when he legally was classified as too old. He felt an obligation as many men of his generation did and signed up to fight. He survived the war but came back from what I am told a different man. He served in Europe and I believe he saw the most evil acts that man has seen. Granddaddy Never spoke of his experiences. It was too painful and raw. Just before he died, he started to write down his experiences and thoughts of his time served. Unfortunately, his eyesight was lost to a disease that robbed him of his ability to finish his task. Personally, I think that it was supposed to work out that way so he wouldn't have to relive those terrors when faced w/the knowledge of the power his words would hold on typewritten paper. He didn't have to sign up to fight but he loved his country more than fear could hold on him. He grew up a simple man and died a simple man having raised his family and serving his country to the best of his abilities. Family members that served as well came home broken to a very harsh reality of never being able to live life physically like they had once known and enjoyed. Broken nerves and injuries that couldn't be mended had to remind them of their service to their country and the ultimate sacrifice they paid. It has been said that the ultimate sacrifice you can make is dying for the freedoms we enjoy and take for granted. Although I agree with the sentiment.. my mind can't help but think that the ultimate sacrifice is the one where the broken and emotionally scarred soldiers face on a daily having survived such great horrors. In death, at least there is a finality and peace again. The body and mind are no longer broken. The spirit is able to fly freely and peacefully once again. The shoulda, coulda, and wouldas no longer matter and haunt everyone effected by the collateral damage caused by war.

The place I consider home is made up of a wonderful group of people who immigrated from Czechoslavkia, Germany, and other Slavich countries. They came here to escape
the lost freedoms in a new country that offered them enormous potential. Their roots run so deep that 3 and 4 generations past the immigrated ancestors still own the native countries accent and language. They are proud, hard-working, industrious and tight. The bonds they maintain are incredible. Having said that, I hold so many up in huge esteem for many of those people chose to fight for their new country against many relatives that had become the enemy. They knew their allegiance was for America.. a free and open Republic that bore the labors of their hard work and investment. A friend's grandfather of German descent also fought. He found himself on the short stick when his battalion was overcome by the German forces. When the German soldiers heard him talk, they thought they had accidentally and somehow captured one of their own soldiers. The interesting thing about this story was that he had such a tight and correct accent, they were certain he was German born and raised. On the contrary, his parents or grandparents had immigrated here. He readily admitted that "no, he was an American.. a proud American". He proudly became a POW. His treatment could have been much easier if he had taken the easy way out I'm sure. But he stood by his convictions.

All of this leads me to the question, "Why are we American citizens not asked to sacrifice for this war?" This country came together for a short while right after 9/11. But the wonderful sacrifices and humanity in that tragic event was quickly forgotten all too soon. If we civilians were asked to help out, then this fight could have helped us pull together as a very strong nation fighting a common enemy and focusing on the same task at hand. It feels like I was misled in the reason we targeted Iraq. But, we never do get all of the facts.. And as Jack Nicholson famously said "(We)You can't handle the truth!!".. Would we be acting out so immaturely and distant if we did know all of the terroristic events that have been prevented since 9/11. England and a few other nations have stuck by us in this fight. It leads me to believe there really is more to this story. The media being the media refuses to embark on telling a non bias report to all the good that we have done for others. According to them, there is only one story and it being that we are terrible terrible terrible.

The root of this entire situation to me is we are facing an enemy unlike any we have ever seen. We forget that there is Everything that we hold dear at stake. Our enemy has said that it wants us DEAD.. Everything we stand for as a nation and people would be obliterated if we fail to stop them. And they won't be satisfied until they accomplish their goal. A religious extreme mantra is one unlike any other. We are not being attacked for land or valuable resources. We are being attacked for our way of life, our freedoms and all that we hold dear. They have made their case very clear.

It was so funny to me that when we first went into Iraq, some US citizens flew there to protest our actions. They were standing for Peace at any cost. They even went into the war field from what was being reported to try and hold a protest. What was so amusing to me? They were begging for peace. Suddam Hussein laughed and said thanks. We are so glad you are here. Now go stand in the very front of the line and be the first near US tanks and armory to make a stand. He knew that if they stayed they would be killed. And he was quite happy to see them die. They believed in their cause so much, that they backed down and went away. The price for peace had become too high when it came to their sacrifice to the peace and war effort.

This election really is the most important one of my lifetime I believe. And I can't stand war or conflict. However, the thought of someone coming in and not backing everything we have invested for 232 years is crazy. And it's about time someone did what they said they would do and then follow through. Experience and
wisdom are earned, achieved and never forgotten by those that possess it. We can't afford to take a chance on someone who's political ties and background are very questionable to say the least. We can not fail these next few years. And maybe with the economy taking a nosedive will help the country pull together once again and become a United nation. A pipe dream I am sure, but it's mine.. so I will keep hoping. Again addressing the enormous sacrifices that were made to make this country strong as it is...I fear most that those sacrifices will not be held and they would have given their all in vain. And I will go out on a limb and say that we Americans have become so complacently complacent that we refuse to take responsibility for our expectations. We demand that the govt. be our first, last and everything in between. No open and free government can follow through with those terms. The cost is too high.. We need to stand up and follow through with what we believe in.. And that we waste, consume and expect way more than we are entitled to with all the people of this earth. The WWII generation got it right.. they gave way more than they expected back and I think that made all the difference in the world and the success of our nation.

Go Hank

Friday, October 10, 2008

Postive thought for the day for most

"Rely on the ordinary virtues that intelligent, balanced human beings have relied upon for centuries:

common sense
realistic expectations
patience (and)
perserverence "

John C. Bogle- American Investor

well... that is good advice. Unfortunately, I lack the balanced part that's essential to this quote. Then add minimal common sense and exceedingly low level of patience..
OK OK.. you know that I have NO patience.. not an ounce..
I have always wanted for yesterday ..

these are trying times we are a living in.. it's hard to decide exactly what we need to do right now.. if we cut everything out, then others suffer and get worse off.. But, we are afraid of spending at all for fear of not having anything left.. not that our 401K's are worth the paper they are printed upon right now..

For me, I'm hugging and loving more frequently and deeper. Looking for the little things that life has to delight me, turning the tv off and reading deeper and more meaningful books..

miracles never cease

Yea.. I did it..
Found the editing information by accident..
hopefully this site won't be obnoxious anymore w/ huge pix, blank spaces..
etc.. Thanks for your patience.. just like me, this site is a work in progress

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Totally Narcissitic

Anyone notice the hideous and hideously HUGE duplicate photos of me down the page?
It is a mistake. Truth be known? Yes, I'm narccistic.. but I shouldn't advertise it right?
I just can't figure out how to take them off. Actually, they are 2 of 5 attempts to get Marshall's birthday slide show on here. I've never understood people who put photos of themselves in their home unless it's a family photo or with a friend or family member. Disclaimer: Now photos of kids
are absolutely positively on every wall or blank space.. Ok.. at least mine should be.. It's nice to see the heathens being kind to each other, unsticky/undirty and relatively angelic once in a while.. even if is only in the past.. Having said that.. I invite someone, anyone to help me get those pix off of this site.. Help.. I'm technically computer illiterate as well.

Positive Radio

I heard a great thing on the radio this morning. A math teacher had some of his students call a local radio station during the prime time. The giggly kids asked the DJ's if they could help them with a problem. They then told them the problem was an algebra problem. The DJ wrote it down and gave them the correct answer. You could hear cheering in the background and the teacher came on to asy thanks. That teacher found a way to get his students excited about his class and their work. That probably will be something those students will remember from their high school days. Something that made an impact. The DJ then made the joking comment that he just reinforced the lesson. "See, if a DJ can do an algebra problem, then so can you".~ There's hope for you. And that school is so blessed to have an instructor that is in tune and cares about the success of his students.. going above and beyond to reach them.

Anyone who really knows me knows I am mathematically illiterate. It's just a proven fact. In fact, if I had to get out of high school today.. I'm not sure I could actually pass geometry to today's standards.
When I turned almost 30, the Dr. explained that I have spacial depth perception problems with my eyes. Duh? Really? Now it makes total sense. Those crappy dots that tormented me in high school
weren't crappy dots.. they represented shapes I couldn't see.

To top it all off.. I studied interior design in college. Yep.. they were stupid enough to give the kid her degree in what? Spatial Perception Improvements. I am very proud that I Earned that degree. That was hard for me at the time..Now I ask.. why didn't I get the diagnosis Before all that struggle at times?

Why am I writing about perception and what does it have to do with a radio station.. (ok.. we're going to Florida but we are stopping in Detroit first).?? One of my projects in said college was a photography studio. It was late at night and I was having tons of trouble drawing my perspective rendering of a tripod w/camera in a room with circular walls. Everything I drew, only made it worse. I knew what I had drawn was technically wrong..But it was driving me nuts that I couldn't figure out just what the problem was. Instinctly it was wrong.

My college roommate was an Honors Student who took advanced math for an elective. Ok.. WTH?
Who takes upper level math as a freebie class?? This just blew me away. And her grades were higher than most math majors. Believe you me.. I wasn't laughing when she looked at my drawing. She too knew something was off. Then the next thing that totally raised my appreciation for her was when she took out her pencil and started coming up with this mathematical formula to figure out the answer.
I'll be damned.. That figure could have been the solution for a hydrogen bomb for all I knew the way it looked to me. She turned to me and said "Here.. this line is wrong and you are technically off 2 sq. ft." Sure enough.. I was off 2 feet. She saved my grade and I learned that the crappy advanced math did have a place in this world. Just not for me to figure out correctly. Was thinking a few minutes ago that Marshall may view his world through the eyes she has. He loves to work out different solutions to problems by thinking outside the normal everyday box. What a joy it will be to turn over the business
accounts and personal accounts to him soon. Today I start the countdown. However, with the economy is such a dive.. there may not be anything left for him to count..

Friday, September 19, 2008

Things I have learned thus far...

#1: No matter how many gray hairs I pull out~~ They will still grow back and they multiply like rabbits..

#2: I'm a chicken-shit. I've had 2 hair color boxes (not 1 mind you) to conceal those wayward hairs. I have consulted professionals, friends and professional friends (no I don't pay them to be my friend!) And it surprises me that I bought them and I still pull those strands out. They say that God even knows how many hairs we have on our head.. I've always somewhat of a non-conformist.. let Him work a little.. lol What bothers me is that I am not vain. Probably one of the people who could use just a tad of vanity. Yes, I realize that I am the walking billboard for "what Not to wear".. I adore comfort and have always stood behind that premise. The days when I had to dress up and play a part were some of my mom's favorites I believe cause I at least looked half decent on most days.

So getting back to the hair dye. Maybe it's the underlying fear of my hair turning oh say the color ... green? My luck.. it would turn some hideous color or burn and fall out. But I just can't justify spending $60.00 every other week for vanity. So I find myself in a quandry.

Actually, I met a mom who found herself here in Podunkville having been transplanted from the great city of San Francisco. She and her spouse are very creative and I admire them alot. She wears her hair streaked w/ pink on dark brownish-red and it's cute and funky. She wears the brightest and most unique outfits w/ converse shoes. She has a style all her own. And I was blown away when she told me she's only 4 yrs. younger than me!! I had her pegged for mid-twenties. She's the mom of two very well-behaved twins (boy and girl) and they are sweet, polite and I've never seen them raise their voice or misbehave. Now I ask you is that right? She's outnumbered and they are so good. The more I think about it.. maybe that's why she looks so young. Her children are not wasting their days concocting totally devious and anarchistic methods to torture Their mom.. Mine and all the rest that I have come across do these and worse behaviors to gain the upper hand in the domestic affairs of their family structure. I'm sorry.. that's just not normal!! Maybe she really rents these kids to make the rest of us feel totally inadequate in our parenting skills. that would explain the model behavior at all times. For gosh sakes.. they are twins.. and any combination of more than 2 siblings realize from an ealry age that there sole purpose on this earth is to make their parents totally nuts and overwhelmed w/ their needy and totally selfish and narcisist ways. ..sucking every living ounce of energy out of thier outnumbered and insufficient parentling methods.

Wait.. now I know Why the grays are outnumbering the dark browns.. Maybe I should use the rugrats as lab rats and test the dye on them. The box does say you must test the product before using. So I can let their hair turn green.. which would totally rock for them right now since they are into dressing up as monsters at the moment. But do I Want them to enjoy it?? Now that's the question to ponder now.

#3: After 7 1/2 yrs. of totally wasted higher education.. I learned from Interior Design "Form follows function".. what ever the hell that means? I still don't get that.. so that must be why I'm not using that jewel.

From my minor of forced Art: Which I hated every moment of... "The stranger you can get and more abstract the work.. the better the grade!!". Now why is it only during my last semester did this little gem hit me in the head like a meteor falling from the sky? My GPA sucks due to the fact that I never saw the humility in a painting.. and crap still loooks like crap to me.. but don't ever say that to an art instructor.. and that "throwing pottery clay" on a muscle killing manual spinning wheel would have a better chance of becoming a great piece of art if I just threw the damn stuff at the wall and cover w/ terrifically colored glaze? My GPA is marked for eternity by my artless failures instead of the totally custom and imagination wanderings into design!!

If you ask me to this day what nugget of priceless knowledge gave would best be described in
"Whiskey on beer.. never fear
Beer on Whisley..kinda risky"!!!

And these days of my daily struggles through the wild and unpredictable journeys into the un chartered (ok by me) wilderness of trying to tame the wild beasts.. it can come in righteously handy at the end of the day.. or on those even harder days before my husband can come home (from his hunting and gathering escapades that's vital to our livelihood) to save me from the little unappreciative animals they can be and the torture they can perform.

#4: I will NEVER NEVER get enough sleep ever again!! And you can function the next day if your head never hit the pillow the night before. In college, that was fun and you could easily bounce back. Now.. not so much fun and the bouncing is more like a long and torturous sllooowww drag that go bump bump whack to only be accented by a totally devasting and painful day w/ the kids who have the natural instinct to go in for the kill. The slightest smell of a migraine. lack of sleep or whatever will incite the kids to crank up the torture to the ninth degree. And I will survive.. even though on those days.. death doesn't sound so bad after all..

Thursday, September 18, 2008

This caught my eye

"The hero is the one who rekindles a great light in the world, who sets up blazing torches in the dark streets of life for men to see by. The saint is the man who walks through the dark paths of the world, himself a light." Felix Adler

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

k'doodles: It Whispers & Can Kill#links

k'doodles: It Whispers & Can Kill#links

It Whispers & Can Kill

This is a most serious post.. And if you don't read anything else.. please please please check this one out. I am quite passionate about this cause. I have yet to buy a shirt or bracelet. However, now might be a really good time to do so and keep my word. This time last yr. I was one day past a major surgery that was a huge eye opener for me and my life. A significant health problem very quickly turned into the biggest scare of my life. We were running tests to see if my health issues might turn out to be ovarian cancer. Up until that point, life with a 1 1/2 yr. old and a 3 1/2 yr old was very disconcerting in the fact that they had the run of the house. I was helpless in having to take massive amounts of ibuprophen and lay on the couch w/my feet propped up high. And boy did those 2 take advantage of the situation.
Little did I know that that was majorly MINOR in contrast to the possible diagnosis. The urgency of the health scare led me to my Dr's office only to have him in surgery for the day. So another Dr. ( one I highly admire) performed an ultrasound and blood work. I saw the image the ultrasound showed and became very scared when he told me the blood work was a cancer screen.
I have always heard that when a person hears the words "Cancer" or the "big C" your blood pressure rises immensely and fears becomes real. Calm was what I needed.. My reaction was to ask questions to try and affirm it really wasn't that bad. When they corrected me with the words "No, Ovarian Cancer" my blood ran cold, only I was sweating and shaking and about in a state of panic. I didn't know much.. but what I did know scared the HELL out of me. My memory burned of Gilda Radner and the foundation I had read about that her husband, Gene Wilder had founded in her Memory. What I did know was that this was the ONE cancer you Didn't want.. that the survival rate was very very low. They sent me for the blood work .. my teeth were chattering and how I didn't baptize the entire lab w/ my pulsating blood I will never know. Cause my pressure was off the charts I do know. The blood was taken.. I then walked to my car numb and called John. I HAD to see him NOW!! Luckily, he was working not too far from the office. What I do remember was him hugging me and reassuring me it would turn out ok. The tears flowed and I stood their embracing him for dear life.
The two days that followed were completely out of this world. There would be moments when I could maintain a pt. of calm.. But then, I would look at Marshall and Rachel and have to leave the room so they wouldn't see me cry. What I did know was that pretty much the longest survival rate could be 5 yrs. Somehow I had read that and had remembered it. Before leaving the Dr's office, I scheduled an appt. w/ my Dr. in two days. Again, the urgency was very un nerving to my shattered emotions. The night before the appt. I couldn't sleep. And being the 'puter addict that I am I researched my problem. What an eye opening and completely life changing read did I absorb. Unfortunately, I had listened and recalled almost every word and remembered the ultrasound. The prognosis looked about as bleak as I could see. My case fit the description of the only 5 yr. survival rate in front of my eyes. It was 3 am. and all I could do was silently cry.
I never told John what I had read, but he could tell I was stressed to the max by the time we got to the Dr's office.
The minute my eyes looked into my Dr's I started streaming tears.. Words wouldn't come out of my mouth. My Dr. was very surprised and asked what was wrong. When I told him what I had seen and the situation.. the look on his face I will never forget. He felt terrible. He knew that what I saw fit perfectly. He apologized for putting me thru that ordeal and felt so bad at what he realized I had gone through the last two days. He said he was very certain that the image was just blood and not another mass. And he would get the blood work results immediately in which he did. When he ran another ultrasound his theory was proved to be correct and the blood tests also came back negative. Praise the Lord!!
We decided to schedule a hysterectomy soon. There was absolutely no question, hesitation or remote sad feeling about this one. The sooner the better.. I never wanted to go through the past two days of hell ever again.. No chance of it ever being able to occur.
I was lucky. So very lucky.. For it could have turned out so differently. This yr. 26,000 women will be diagnosed with this disease. And 16,000 will die. If caught early, there is a 90% rate of survival. 78% of those cases diagnosed were found after the cancer had spread. And fewer than 25% will survive 5 yrs. See the five years was the good number.. This killer is vicious and they call it the silent killer because so many times it's not diagnosed soon enough. A woman has to really be in tune w/ her symptoms in order to catch it. And the symptoms are so common.. you might think you were stressed or had a virus. Just be in tune w/ your body and listen to your intuition.
Please read the following link to Johns Hopkins and please further your knowledge by googling ovarian cancer. Help educate yourself and others.. Women shouldn't be dying from something they don't even know they can die from. If this blog saves one life and preventing the ultimate scare I went through then it was all worth it. And please consider donating to this cause. It is severely underfunded and only knowledge and funds can help.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

nice surprise

I thought it was a nice surprise to find our spider lily had finally decided to bloom after years of being dormant. My mom gave me these bulbs almost 12 yrs ago and it has been ages since we have seen a bloom. It is refreshing to see them as we transition into the next phase of our lives, with Marshall going to school, me getting to spend time w/Rachel more, John as busy as usual and possibly attending a new/old (previous) church.
They grace the entrance to our house and have always brought me such joy. My personality usually lends itself to the more unusual things..I supppose you could say to the uniqueness.. out of the ordinary.. It's still blazing hot, but we have this to remind us that Fall is coming and hopefully some reprieval from this scorching heat. I am more than ready..

Monday, September 1, 2008

"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment,
and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations"
George Bernard Shaw

Monday, August 25, 2008

Back to School

And I also forgot to mention how
fun and exciting it was for me to
join the PTA.. Supermommy here
I come... NOT!!

John was laughing when I quickly
made a beeline for that table..
In my defense, I was also checking
out the gymnastics and karate table
for a discipline for Marshall to
learn.. Oh my.. that does sound
super mommyish.. ok..
I completely draw the line at the
moms clubs.. no way no how..
only my on-line support group that
is totally wonderful, supportive and
helpful to say the least. I can give
up my coffee, I can give up chocolate and
cheese (ok, but you won't be able to live w/me)
but I willnot give up these friends..
John's beginning to worry, but they are way cheaper
than counselling and way much more FUN!!

All Grown Up

We made it.. Marshall had a great first day of Kindergarten. He really likes his almost brand new school (and who wouldn't? It's awesome). His teacher is very nice and I have a really good feeling that she is the match for his personality. My prayer was that he wouldn't get a first year teacher. That person wouldn't stand a chance up to this little alpha dog. And Lord knows a college education isn't cheap and Texas is struggling to fill teacher's positions due to a high turn over rate as it is.. What a guilt trip that would be?? When Rachel & I picked him up this afternoon he was all smiles and very excited.. not to mention also very tired. It takes ALOT of work for this little fella to be so GOOD all day long. He made 2 friends and remembered his teacher's name. So we are off to a great start.
I surprised myself this morning. We stuck to our schedule, made it in time (highly difficult for the three of us), and walked him to class. We greeted the three sleeping hedgehogs in their habitat in his classroom (they didn't reply so I suspect they don't do mornings either.. I think I like hedgehogs).. Anyway, we did great w/a goodbye kiss and hug and off we went. This chica who can cry at a wedding of someone I've never met (former photographer's asst... so lots of experience and tears) didn't even weep or get teary eyed. Something tells me it might have more to do w/lack of sleep. My noturnal inclinations kept me up till past 2:30 am working on the slideshow posted earlier. It ONLY took me 5 slideshows (all different of course) to finally remember How to post it here. Senior moment again.. anyway.. I did cry last night while putting this together. It hit really hard just how far we have come.
We found out last Fall just how much of a miracle both our children are after having my surgery last year. Thanks be to God. It still baffles me just how quickly he has grown up. I remember through the jaundice, colic, extremely early teething and then the holiest of trying temperament all the struggles we have been through. I don't really recall ever saying.. "if he would just sleep thru the night".. cause he would., or "if he would just get weaned". I realized how I wanted the time to slow to a crawl so I would remember every moment. There is something that I do remember. John would say "I can't wait till he can talk"..
Believe you me.. I tried to warn the inexperienced and proud daddy. But he just couldn't even imagine how much a child can talk, argue and chatter. Now he wonders if he will ever get a word in edgewise before Marshall graduates or John becomes hard of hearing.
What I couldn't wait for was him to reveal his uniqueness and his personality. What a joy that has been to watch. Today, I realize he has taken the first major step of his journey to prepare to leave the nest. He's in for so much fun, friends and memories. It is bittersweet to know the journey he's on.. for every step he takes towards independence is a marker of our job being done to get him there. My mom friends say it feels the same way every year the first day.. just the newness wears off more as the time fades away. He's five in an hr. and he's more than ready for this journey.. I hope I catch up with him soon. Happy Birthday Marshes.. I so love you and am a much better person because you're in my life.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Murky waters

"As a mother, I must faithfully,
patiently, lovingly, and happily
do my part--then quietly wait
for God to do His"
Ruth Bell Graham
Wow.. I Really need these words tonight.. The daily battles w/our strong-willed,
control seeking self serving ungrateful little delightful blessing has taken me down a
rocky and treacherous road tonight. When I wrote that I was in tears and ready to
pass out into some mind numbing slumber. Then, we met and had a long talk and really
had a deep and meaningful conversation.. How can one little boy comprehend so much at such
a young age? Some days I know he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders
trying to figure things out.. He will be an awesome package when he's a man.. A full load of
energy and I promised he could argue all he wanted and fight every battle known to man, but not until then.. I sure hope I live loong enough to faithfully apologize to the woman who will stand beside him and have to deal w/ those promises.. He will be the real deal.. a litigation attorney? A scientist? A philosopher? Prolific writer?
An awesome house painter??.. Who knows.. And then senility will probably set in before I see if his kids are just as strong willed.. Wait, who am I kidding? Those senior moments have already started to creep up..
But I did remember how hard it is being little and have so little control. He trying to tackle the big questions of Why life throws painful curves in our path.. How do you explain that when I'm still trying to master that one myself?
I think you don't, but God intervened tonight and helped with this one.. Thanks big man.. the life raft was most appreciated.. as usual.. :D Nothing like divine intervention..
I think I will tape this quote up to remind myself to let go of the reigns more often..

Sunday, August 17, 2008

dog days of summer

This is one of the hottest summers on record. And Thank God I am NOT pregnant. The other two nearly killed me.. 100+ heat and big baby do not mix. We've been trying to stay cool.. WE were going to the river quite a bit. It was so low that the kids could walk across it and I didn't worry for their safety. The water quit flowing over the waterfall during the Spring.

In July though, the river dried up and so did our play plan. We were really enjoying our times there. Would packa picnic and grab the dog and head on out.. So by now, we are getting pretty sick of staying inside and of each other..

We read over 100 books in 1 month during the summer reading program. I am so excited and happy that both of our kids share the love of reading and books. Bet I have bought close to 40 books this summer on top of what they read from the library. And they have discovered all the great VHS movies "Beethoven", "Homeward Bound" and the Disney Classics.. So we've been chillin' trying to stay cool..

And we found an awesome deal on a trampoline.. what fun jumpers they have become.. little roo roos..

Summertime..part 2

Only almost 500 sq. ft. added to our home.. Year 1.. poured a 16x30 concrete foundation...
Year 2: framed exterior
Year 3: electricity added
To Go: New HVAC for home, sheetrocking, demo. existing kitchen wall, new cabinets, new flooring, add new appliances
Now why on earth would I try to reinvent the wheel? Cause I believe there is some deviant
gene that is constantly trying to hinder any progress I try to make. My college room mate once told me that if I had to go to Florida I would go by way of Detroit. Ok.. besides the fact she's
probably right.. why would Ithink I could redo what obviously CAN'T be done one this little home of ours? What? A little personality added to a standard cookie cutter home? A test to show that I didn't sleep through every college design class I took during my Animal House days?
Ok.. I give up.. I can't reinvent the wheel.. They obviously gotten it correct the first time.. I just have to see if they maybe missed something fabulous.. :D
They completed the electrical in two days.. Once we get the Jennaire cooktop then we will be rolling.. Maybe Marshall and Rachel can come home from college break to see the completion.. Woo hoo!!

If the shoe fits

Actually, I miss my high heels.. I used to could work 8 hrs on my feet all day long in them. They were so pretty.. And you can Never have too many. Even 33 pairs are not even close. After I gave birth to Marshall I had to give mine away. They didn't fit anymore. Little did I know they would never fit the same again since my career was not family friendly. So I suppose it was a great thing to have to give up. Truth be told though?? I have been known to cry for my chocolate brown equestrian riding boots though.. Now that pair hurt more than all the others..
I still believe that the love of shoes are genetic. And I'm sticking to it!! Rachel would thank God every night for over a year for her shoes.. Even though she prefers not wearing them.. she does appreciate them.. And she has never thrown a hissy fit in a store over anything more than shoes.. That's my girl.. :D
It will interesting to see what shoes I will find myself wearing after the kids get settled into their lives and school. It's hard for me to think what shoes will fit best in the next stage of my life. It really won't matter I suppose, as long as they are comfortable not only to me but to my family.
Shoes.. shoes.. shoes.. a girl's gotta have her shoes!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

blessed friendship

Writing about Marshall's pain and loss reminds me of mine. I would like to think that all the friends and experiences we have shared that are memorable are gifts from the Lord above. Funny, sometimes it can take decades (ok.. so I'm talking about myself) to appreciate some of those gifts and fully comprehend just how much meaning and texture those have added to my life. So maybe I recognize Marshes pain in Hud's moving more in remembering my own. My very happiest moments as a child occurred while we lived in Lubbock. That was a innocent time for me cause I had yet to learn the harsh realities of loss, jobs, moving and the curves that life can throw to you.

I hope that I never undervalue or write off my kids feelings and emotions towards anything they feel passionate about. So many times, we say.. "well they don't understand, they are Only kids"..
If only we listened to these kids more.. they have so much to teach us cynical and unappreciative jerks sometimes...and they can do it w/out the cynicism and bravado.

It has taken me a long time to realize just how much I value and appreicate my friend Shannon.
Yes, I would always acknowledge him as a friend. But now, I can appreciate just how much he touched my heart. There's the proverbial email that has been around a zillion times about how much a person can mean to someone else and not even know it.. meaning how you touch others..
I met him the first day of school and was lucky enough to have him in all my classes through the fourth. Yep.. we were just small kids. We had soo much in common and he could make me laugh like no one else. We were ruthless at teasing each other. Interestingly, if you would have asked me about my best friend.. I would have named off whatever girlfriend of that year was. Speaking honestly though, today it would be Shannon. But he was a guy and guys and girls weren't best friends back then.. were they?? You weren't even supposed to like each other..

Our sisters were the best of friends. And we loved acting like them.. We tried to imitate them as much as we could. And what was scary was we got the gist of alot of what high schoolers were talking about. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not. We thought we were IT!! Watching the original Saturday Night Live and Monty Python. He thought my MawMaw was the coolest cause she watched the "scary" Dr. Phibes movies w/Vincent Price in them with me and my sis. He said he didn't know adults could be so cool..

He teased me endlessly about arriving to school in the horrid "Bat Mobile". My folks had an old '57 Chevy tourquiose car that looked alot like the caped crusader's wheels. I was so embarrassed with that old car and he would lie in wait ready to verbally pounce. I remember trying to hide behind a bush squat walking to try and get into the building w/out him noticing. I'm told that car could have purchased some college credit hrs. if my brother hadn't destroyed the interior years later. But oh how I was sooo embarrassed by that car.. and it Could fly a time or two w/my mom behind the wheel!! Whee!!

Getting back to the point.. we never really do know what or how we impact someone else's life. I realize that now. I can't watch the movie Carrie without thinking about Shannon. He ruined the ending of the movie for me while we were jumping on the trampoline. And to this day, if that stupid movie is on, I will drop whatever I'm doing and watch it..just to remember him.. but, I did that for years without realizing what I was doing at the time.

Cinnamon Jolly Rancher candies crack me up everytime I see them.. I buy them now and then just to remember the time we got busted in reading class eating them. Our favorite teacher knew we were up to no good. So naturally she called upon me first to read. I swallowed mine.. and let me tell you.. if you haven't swallowed a jolly rancher.. it's not easy and it hurts!! Especially cinnamon. I read and thought.. cool beans.. I made it.. Well,then she called upon mr, fredenburg to read. He couldn't talk.. I had to talk for him.. he had sucked on his candy so hard they made his teeth stick together. I'm laughing so hard while trying to cover for him. He got sent to the school nurse and she made him drink water until the candy dissolved and he could talk again. I was laughing so hard I peed my pants.. he came back water logged... Oh my gosh!! What a sight we were.. And if memory serves me, that ended the jolly ranchers. So how can a person NOT laugh when they see a jolly rancher candy after that?? He had some very informative information concerning sex..he was the source to ask. And when he was 10 he requested no gifts for his birthday party. Now what 10 yr. turns down gifts?? He would stand by you, defend you, tease you mercilessly and make your bad day better. He was the total package when it came to friends..He marched to his own drum.. even at a young age.. what fun we had..
Oh yea.. and he was impressed by my battle scars of roller skating off the garage roof onto the metal cellar door then rollingdown the hill out into the alley. Scars you ask? Major Pain When (not if) you missed the cellar door and your shins scraped the corner... Literal battle scars..

Shannon was in a horrible car wreck when he had just started his life and college. He sustained extensive head injuries and went into a coma. I was devastated when I found out. It broke my heart. I never could summon up the courage to call or write his family because I thought that if I didn't then HOPE was very much alive. I prayed for him for years and years holding out hope for a recovery. My son found a jolly rancher candy in his Easter egg one year. So I went searching on the internet to see if there was any news. Shannon died right before he turned 37. What a loss of talent, sense of humor and life. Today, I cherish those 4 short but very nurturing and incredibly fun years of my life. We moved after that. And I never felt quite as safe and secure in who I was.. But so is life..and so I thank God for my dear friend and pray for friends of that caliber for Marshall and Rachel..Ones that can sustain a person throughout their life. Thanks Shannon for the precious memories.. for all the times I'm reminded through a candy, hideous car, a certain way a person tilts their head and looks at me, movies and all the other wonderful things that you touched me with..

Well, I can say that i survived my son's first heartbreak.
Marshes best friend moved to Nashville the first week of
June and man did that hurt. We had to convince him to
have his birthday party almost three months early so he
could celebrate it with Hudson. We had the party in a
historic train car and they had a great t ime. But, it was
such an emotionally draining experience. Poor guy was so excited
for his friends and the party. But at the same time, he was
holding back tears throughout the day and party casue he knew that
Hud was moving the very next day. It hurt me so much to see my son hurt so bad.
Actually, he still hurts but thankfully with time the pain fades a little.
I am so thankful that Marshes knows that kind of hurt. Don't get me wrong,
I am not saying that I want him to hurt. However, for him to hurt about this friendship
then I know he has made a very good friend and sees quality and emotional connections are
worth nurturing. Our little fella is such a deep and thoughtful and not to mention
insightful individual. It hurt him so much more than Hud cause he understood the
ramifications of this loss.
He starts kindergarten at a new school and I pray he finds some good friends he will cherish for always and like the one he shared with Hudson.

love is is kind...

Two weeks later, my husband's cousin got married close to our home. Again, we had the wonderful opportunity to visit and celebrate w/ his extended out of state family. The wedding took place at one of the prettiest places I've ever seen for a wedding. It took place on a bluff overlooking the Texas Hill Country and was an open air affair. The heat was high, but the breeze cooled things down for the early evening wedding. It was the first time we met one of his cousins. In fact, Matt (the groom) is the first of the great grandkids. What a beautiful couple they make. This chapel is free for weddings and just gorgeous. And I never even knew it existed. It's only about 15 minutes from our home. You could say right in our backyard. All I could think about that evening was what a gorgeous and romantic place to have your second vows ceremony.. Funny., how life works.. Two years ago.. I was minutes from dissolving "us" and now I'm dreaming about a second vow ceremony for us.. Life works in just an interesting way, especially when you allow the Good Lord to head up the direction for your life. I'm so thankful I listened and heard that voice in my rear view car mirror when I was loaded up and entering my "new life".. It's nice to know that life will give you a turn around lane when you find yourself on a detour in unchartered territory and you can't tell up from down.

Later that evening, we ate and danced the night away in Lake Way for the party!! Rachel and I danced almost every song. That girl was on the stage dancing and showing all her moves. She was in her element that evening and she Knew It.. All I could think of was that I was seeing how she would be when she got a chance to spread her wings.. And thank goodness.. she taught me some good moves.. For once, I threw self consciousness to the wind and had a blast.. That was such a great time.. We hated leaving but we were worn out.. for those who would like to spy a peek at this gorgeous and free wedding facility. I was trying to talk my friend into this place.. but that's another story for another day..

Summertime...part 1

Summer always begins with the Memorial Day weekend for us. And we head out to the great state of Loosi-aner for a HUGE, and I do mean Huge family reunion on my husbands side. I come from a very small and spread out family. My children however have the best of both worlds. My side is small while the Cajun side is so large you can't throw a rock in the state of Lousiana and east Texas without hitting a family member. And this doesn't include all the other family members spread out throughout the United States.

I have found in my travels and experiences that there are predominently 6 states in America that could basically survive without any help or guidance from our federal government if need be. In fact, these states pretty much can hold up the Union if needed. The pride and self-sufficiency of Texas, California, New York and Louisiana are comparable to none. (and Hawaii and Alaska I would guess.. would like to travel to prove if I'm right) Each is very unique and if you don't understand them, then you just really don't get it..

My husband's paternal grandparents were raised and raised thier 12 children in a small parish deep in Cajun country. And from those twelve children 50 grandkids were born. I can't even fathom someone having 50 grandkids, or even 45 first cousins. There are so many that the grandkids have always gone by their "Number". To most people, their "Number" might be referred to as the comfort they prefer in a sleep number bed. But to the McNicoll clan it means your status and position on the family tree. This is such a big, happy and fun group of family. For over 30 years, the family has maintained a family tradition to meet and have a reunion at least once a year (but in fact, I think it's twice). The grandparents have been gone for over 20 years, but the family still gets together to celebrate their joys, concerns, celebrations and the roots that run deeper than the swampy water surrounding their birthplace. You are immediately greeted w/ hugs and kisses and pick up as if it hasn't been last year you last saw each other, but more like last week. They have also established a family chat room on the internet to keep everyone connected. It is simply amazing.. and a joy for my family to stay connected. I am very happy that our kids are getting to know their extended family and feel the roots and ties to "their people" (as my maternal MawMaw says).

It seems as if more and more people are straying further and further from emotional and physical connections in this very quick and impersonable lifestyle we find ourselves running within. So I am very blessed to have the opportunity to teach our kids where they came from and who they are. It will be a joy to see them unwrap their personalities into the people they are to become.

Getting back to the reunion.. everyone gathers this one weekend and stays at the family homestead, tents, campers, cabins and motels and whatever else is available. The campground is a secluded site that borders the coldest swimming hole I have ever encountered. Not to say that this closer city girl than country girl has pondered upon that many swimming holes!! But, I would wager that it's up there w/ the coldest. There are swing ropes, slides and homemade diving boards to brave for the most courageous. It has been wonderful to see our very shy and withdrawn son go from shying away from swimming and interacting w/strangers. This year, Marshes couldn't wait to hit the water and find a cousin to meet. And the fact that Rachel has never met a stranger.. they had a blast..

The family is so large, they have the local parish priest come to us on Saturday night for a Mass church service. I think that the church might not be able to hold all of this family in this little community. And this year, after church.. they even staged a fun dance. I was able to teach Rachel to chicken dance while we were wearing the neon glow-in-the-dark necklaces. That girl loves to dance.. and her mama loves the music but has no sense of rhythm.. poor child!! What an embarrassment I can be.. But we had a blast.. Now if we can just do something about the 90+ swamp heat and squeeters that will suck your blood dry if you're not careful..

There's so much to be said about family. You know.. "You can pick your nose" really.. I have been very blessed that these wonderful people have embraced me and our kids into theirs. The food, music and love are so special. I'm glad our kids are embracing and shown that they are loved. I do have one regret though. I never got to meet MawMaw, the grandmother. John asked me to go to La. to meet her during Spring Break of my final semester. He wanted me to meet her and tell her we were engaged to be married. Unfortunately, I declined since I had my major projects due for graduation. And I learned that time doesn't stand still for anyone. MawMaw died before we could get there during the summer after I finished my college work. There have been so many great stories about her and Happy (her husband). However, I'd like to think that I feel their love in all the wonderful ways I'm treated while there..

On a final note: someone pointed out that it isn't pronounced "Loosey-aner". But, I do beg to differ. This is such a casual, unpretentious and loose family that it fits. Maybe the "Nawlins clans can be known to be different or even the northerners.. But, these people are such a joy. I feel great knowing my kids are from "their people".

Where did the time go?

Wow!! The last time I posted it was just before Memorial Day weekend and we were starting our summer break and going on vacation. There were so many plans for this summer.. did we do them? What were they again? And where are we now?
There were so many thoughts I have had along the way... I just couldn't find the time to write..
And now I find myself gearing up for major changes in our lives.

In actuality, I am amazed that I can even remember my password to this blog so I can get back into the swing of things dealing w/writing. A friend signed up and started blogging on myspace and I had created an account myself there as well when I set this blog up. All I have to say is "a mind (being mine) is a terrible thing to lose"!! I couldn't remember my password and so I started over w/ a new account last week so I could share w/her. So incredibly embarrassing.. I forgot the new myspace page I had to set up then. So i have actually forgotten 2 myspace accounts I have set up. When did life get so incredibly complicated that we have to have different passwords for almost every facet of our lives? And are they really necessary?

Will I be able to retain enough smarts to manage posting this one as well?
And after this, I will need to then set up a third account so I can share w/my friends on My Space? Arggh!!

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Oh What a Day!!!


Arghh!! Warning a rant...

Today was a day I'd like to end very quickly. It started with a 2 1/2 yr. old and a bottle of baby powder.. It's been a while since I've had one of these days.. thank goodness.. but they are trying of all your will power and patience. The baby powder was not huge..rather a prelude to the rest of the day..

I had set out w/ grand plans of cleaning the entire house.. and anyone who knows me knows this is HUGE for this chica. Unfortunately, I had to go to the store and pick up a prescription first.. by the time we (the rugrats and I) returned home.. any feasible plan for accomplishment was withering away very quickly. The kids were bickering, arguing and trying and succeeding at driving each other nuts (me included) before the noon hr.

What really irked me was "another" encounter with another company who has decided that they are making our country all the better by outsourcing their customer service. It's all about profit.. not the good of their customers pr employees. And this bothers me to no end. We are losing thousands of jobs to foreign countries when we have qualified people here who need and can work these jobs. Instead, they choose to hire people who can barely speak English who act like robots. They are told to say 1 thing and 1 thing only. It's as if they are robots. They don't understand Americans, could care less about our problems with their companies products and really don't show much intitiative in their own jobs. I seriously doubt they take any ownership in their jobs. Nor do I think that the companies they work for are looking for that quality either. All they are trained to say is 'I am very sorry".. My question is.. sorry for what?? Not caring, for working for pathetic companies who only want your money?

I am very angry. This has been building for a long time. They even take ridiculous names like "Apple", "Sunshine" and "Summer" as their monikor. What really bothers me is the fact that I fear what our country is becoming. How will my kids be able to compete and work for this country when all the jobs have gone overseas? WE wonder why our dollar is flat? Our goods are trash (think lead).. just convince me the Chinese aren't trying to poison our kids!! WE have done it to ourselves by choosing to purchase cheaper foreign products so we can show that we have more. No wonder WalMart is so huge.

My respect for the generation that came during the Depression and WWII is immense. They have gone through hardships I can't even begin to fathom. They were one country and pulled together and sacrificed beyond comfort. And they did it for the good of one common cause. During this time, these circumstances brought on so much intelligence, strength and ingenuity that we today are reaping the benefits. They found ways to make things work and they prospered because of it.

This country is in such an apathetic state it's sad. We bicker, complain and expect the world of the world without even thinking for a second that we are some of the cause of this. Why we have't come up w/ an alternative fuel source within the last 30 yrs. is scary and sad. Did we not see the problems back in the 70's if we didn't change our ways? And this entire fuel issue can and possibly will lead us into another Depression if we are not careful. Why does it always take the dinosaur to make it's presence known after we've been listening to the echoes of the footfalls for a while?

Our children are reaping the disasters of all of this. Will we have wildlife for them to see? Water and fuel for them to sustain life? Maybe if this horrible war had asked us citizens to sacrifice, help out and become a part of the effort, we would be a much stronger country. At least morally and emotionally. Even war has become so separate and far removed. Not to say that I want a war on my land. However, it's become very easy to think that unless we are directly effected like the military families are, then it's not happening on the scale it is. My faith in the government is pretty much shot. Any time a politician suggests a change, then I have learned that the opposite will occur if it's voted through. It's really hard to see a change for the better when the results prove differently.

This is a ramble I know.. With no answers.. It's just that some days really wear on a person.. And I believe that if we don't take a moment to question where we are, reflect upon where we have been, then we are setting ourselves up for disaster later. More people are more interested in the outcome of a sitcom or reality (which isn't very real) show than what's going on in their own lives. Just how are we going to get our liberties back that were taken or so easily given w/out a glance back? And how do we explain all of this to our kids?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Insights of a 4 yr. old

Our son Marshall blew me away with a conversation we had this week. He is a very deep thinker and always keeps me on my toes.. but this one has taken the cake thus far.

We were discussing the topic of death. We don't call it death since he's only 4; however he understands far more than I ever thought.

He was excited about getting to pick the prayer for snack at his preschool that day. I asked him if he liked the chapel portion they participate in once a week. He replied that he did. He then got very serious and asked me " Mommy, when it's 'our time' and God calls us, can we tell him no, we aren't ready yet?" I explained that no, we don't get a choice when he's ready for us to go live with Him. We have to go then and there because the work He wanted us to do is finished. Puzzled, he then asked "So is that a happy or sad thing?". I then replied that it's both good and sad. That we are very excited and happy to finally be living w/God and Jesus. But at the same time, we are very sad because it means that we will not get to see the people we love again until God calls them home as well. A couple of miles then passed in silence. Marshall then asked me, but it was more like he was certain that this is the way things are. He told me "Mommy, don't you think that God opens up a bright pathwaythrough the stars,like a road for us to go down, so we can meet Him?" "That way, we will know how to get there".

After Marshall said that I got goosebumps and realized an ah ha moment had just occured. . The visual picture my mind conjured up was so incredibly brilliant and beautiful. Thoughts went back to a blog that we had found from a Chilean University astromer and the absolutely gorgeous photographs she had put in her blog. I think we were both thinking about those pictures at that moment.

I told Marshall that his question just provided the best answer I had ever heard and one that I hadn't ever considered so well. This past week some online dear friends and I have been discussing death and loss. It's brought up alot of great discussion and painful feelings as well. And the timing of his insight was incredible... and he even helped some women going through some rough times when I shared his thoughts on the subject.

Ever since Marshall was very little I have always asked him if he knew how much I loved him. He always replied "I know Mom... to the moon and back"... and I say back "No sweetheart.. to the very last star.. and God is still making them as we speak"... it's been his little joke to me for a long time.. teasing me w/ his answer. I think Marshall finally got an inkling of my love for him once he saw those photographs. What a wonderful feeling. I am so in awe of him and his insight.
What a treasure he is and so sensitive and in tune with life!! And he's only 4.. And I can't wait to see where the nurturing of his spirit will lead him.. Just keep praying he stays on the path he's on.. He still has some great lessons in store to teach me I'm certain and anxiously awaiting. And man can this chic use them some days.. One of the most rewarding aspects I never realized in motherhood were all the many many lessons my children would be teaching me. It blows me away sometimes and makes me feel humbled in their presence at times. Just with little tidbits of the life they see in their innocent and unspoiled eyes.. The eyes that I am supposed to live my life by. Maybe there's hope for this chica after all.. LOL

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

double star cluster

Thursday, May 15, 2008



Wow.. What a week.. I'm so glad it's Friday. The kids have driven me totally bonkers this week.. They have been climbing the walls and even tried to push me over that wall for complete anarchy. Truth be told, if I could have gotten away with it, I probably would have gladly JUMPED!! Just to get away and get a break..

Registered our son for Kindergarten today. That certainly conjures up mixed feelings of "woo hoo.. finally some peace" to "oh no.. not yet". I still have a few months to prepare but I know this precious time will fly. Where did those years go? I know we have a great intelligent,sensitive, and highly motivated son. He will be one of the youngest in his class, actually turning 5 on the second day of school. He will do great academically and I'm sure he do great socially. He will do fine I'm sure.. Suppose it's just me not fully wanting to let go just yet..
Reality just hit today.. What a great summer we will have..

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Who's the leader of the club??


Tiny Dancer


Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the bandPretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music manBallerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

Jesus freaks out in the streetHanding tickets out for GodTurning back she just laughsThe boulevard is not that bad.

Piano man he makes his standIn the auditoriumLooking on she sings the songsThe words she knows the tune she hums

But oh how it feels so real Lying here with no one nearOnly you and you can hear meWhen I say softly slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancerCount the headlights on the highwayLay me down in sheets of linenyou had a busy day today

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the bandPretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music manBallerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sandAnd now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

Monday, May 12, 2008

Wings to Fly

"My mother wanted me to be her wings, to fly as she never quite had the courage to do. I love her for that. I love the fact that she wanted to give birth to her own wings."
Erica Jong

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Watch This!!

Our daughter (2 1/2 yrs) has taken this last week to say "Mommy, watch this." It seems to be a prelude to her first dance recital last night. She's been enjoying making funny faces, a very comical look when she's ridiculing me, and any thing else she can to get a reaction from any audience. So why am I so in awe of her last night? Rachel dressed up in her adorable Mickey Mouse costume and danced and entertained along w/ her fellow "mouseketeers" in front of almost 1000 people in a beautiful performing arts center in our community. She hopped, shuffled and danced in her favorite tap shoes like she was doing what she was meant for. Granted, she wasn't the best in the bunch.. But she did hold her own. My amazement was the ease she felt in front of all those people.

I keyed in early on with this child that music was her forte. We were in the Cabela's and she was rocking to the beat at 6 months. And then she got mad at me when she had to be restrained in her carseat during a radio program w/ the Rolling Stones who were coming to our community. So she conceded her situation and flayed her arms and rocked out for over an hr. She was practically climbing and scaling before she could walk.

Last night I remembered my piano recital when I was in 4th grade. I had to learn one number. My parents bought me the most beautiful and costly dress I had ever had. If memory serves me, we performed in a small room in front of just a few people. I made it through my piece, but I was so sick w/ nerves. It was excruciating for this introvert. Seeing Rachel dance last night I couldn't help but think 2 things. (1) my beautiful daughter is so brave and self assured and (2) I was viewing the fact that my daughter was on her way of leaving me one step at a time.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Game & Help Out

Here's a site that helps feed the hungry while you can increase your vocabulary skills..



Living w/ purpose

"Do all you can with what you have, in the time you have, in the place you are."
Nikosi Johnson, 12 yr. old Zula boy living with AIDS

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Ain't this the truth???


gonna try this...


Monday, May 5, 2008

David Bowie - Cat People (Putting out fire)

Sunday, May 4, 2008


Not feeling blue..
Just LOVE this band...

family doodles

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Here it goes...

Ok.. I'm biting the bullet and crossing over the line into "bloggerville". Never in a million years would I have thought I would do this. However, this SAHM has heard the words "ouch", "butthead" and "no" one too many times from her 2 kids (2 and 4). My daily vocabulary has dwindled down to "stop", "time out" and "don't" enough times for me to question my own sanity after my patience has left the premises. Some days I feel like an appliance in my home running on auto pilot. The pilot has jumped the plane and a crash is coming fast. Consequently, these precious days are spiining way too quickly for me stop and take notice of my precious family and blessings... while finding myself just trying to maintain the "maintaining" without stopping to take inventory.

Alice Walker writes in the book "The Color Purple" a beautiful description of God's plan and how we live our lives.
"I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it"... "People think pleasing God is all God care about. But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back".... "It always making little surprises and springing them on us when us least expect it".. "Everyone want to be loved. Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You ever notice that trees do everything to git attention we do,except walk?"

This twist of perception can really make a person change the way she looks at things. And my hope is to stop and fully realize all the beauty in my life, while laughing at the ironies and humor in eveyday life, and maybe lashing out at the absurdity of the situations we find ourselves in which we live. The economy, war, and daily battles can really hold a person's energy level and thoughts down. So there... I can't change those, but I can change how I view the things I see. It reminds me of the movie "Life is Beautiful". The gift a loving Jewish father gives to his young son while imprsioned in a concentration camp. He chooses to make the horrific situation into a game so his son doesn't know the tragedy for what it really is. They find the love, humor and distraction in the worst that life has to offer.

Up until this week I had never even read a blog. I've been told by people that some blogs have themes or purposes. How about life's doodles on maintaining sanity? Nothing earth shattering.. just things that interest me.. and a purposeful reason for living the life of a night owl. And hopefully along the way I can catch up on modern technology and gain some skills on this stupid "puter that drives me nuts but I find myself addicted to at times..