Monday, May 25, 2009

Memorial Day

The older I get the more I appreciate all the sacrifices and efforts that have been dedicated to our country by our service men and women. One of the greatest things that I am proud of is being born and able to live in America. So many people take our freedoms for granted. And they were not free. So much blood and lives have been sacrificed so that we are able to live the lives we choose and are envied and desired by so many people around the world. I have had family members lose their life, limbs and even minds in service. And it means all the more to me today. May we always remember the dedication and cost these liberties were paid for and to say thanks to all who have served to keep our country free and wonderful. God Bless our military.. And thank you..

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Things I have learned part two

Okay so some time has passed so I thought I might think up some other nuggets of wisdom I have learned along the way.

1. The older I get the more forgiving I am of myself and transgressions. There is something to be said about aging that's positive. The race isn't quite as fast, the road not as confusing and the peace for not really giving a damn what others think is definitely freeing. I've learned to say no more to others in order to protect my time w/ my family and obligations. Or maybe that's just because that's the most used word around here w/two rugrats..or sewer rats as Rache likes to call rats.. In my career I never felt I could say no without major repercussions.. Maybe because big business is always banking on big repercussions. Little steps w/our kids is great.. I'm not in as much of a hurry these days unless we are running late to a scheduled activity.

2. Friends are so important for survival and happiness in this world. And I have reconnected w/old high school friends and work that I thought had faded. What a blessing to rediscover these great people have just moved, but not moved on and away from me. Later tonight I will reconnect w/high school friends I have not seen in 25 yrs. for some. What fun it will be to catch up.. I'm especially excited about spending some time w/my very dear best friend from hs. What a sweetheart she is..
And icing on the cake will be a night out w/ my dear husband. A night out with adults,laughter,conversation and dancing is just what I need. Old friends mean so much. The older one gets, the harder it is to make friends or even make time for them. I can't wait..

3. Marriage is one of the hardest and strangest relationships and things ever invented. After almost 17 yrs and knowing each other for 21 yrs.. some days I have trouble even recognizing myself or John. And the wierd thing is the longer I know him, the less I know about him some days..?? WTH? And then something can happen and all of that goes out the door and you discover that everything you knew, shared in common and love shared comes pouring back tenfold.. As if you never questioned your sanity as to who is this person and where are we going? The basics are still in place in which I have discovered remains to be the adhesive of us.

4. I'm still a chicken shit.. The dye sits on the vanity unopened. The question remains as to why I just don't donate the crap before it expires and really will turn someone's hair green.

5. I am blessed beyond measure. I have a loving complicated and hard working husband. Our children are our life and bring so much texture, headaches, and humor it astounds me. I have an incredible family. The older I get the more I realize jsut how close and loving we are. My husband and kids prove this fact by the differences in what I grew up with and what we have now. My nerves will probably never be able to reconcile all the chaos, fighting, and noise..but that is ok.. I'm learning to tune it out. And I have some incredible friendships.. both local, family. old and far away from all over the states. God has blessed me so much. Oh yea.. and then there's doodledog!!

6. The internet has to offer some of the best and worst of life. All the connections, information and the liberation is entertaining and mind blowing. Kids today have the world at their reach. My generation thought MTV was the greatest invention.. that was way before all the new channels w/tons of information and variety. When I was in high school, we didn't have all the info at our fingertips.. This allows people today to think in much broader strokes. It amazes me what the kids today can accomplish since they have the ability to see so much further than their home, school and experiences. It makes me wonder just what Marshes and Rache will experience. I remember a trip to San Francisco during Spring Break in college that opened my eyes and made me hunger for bigger things and experiences.

7. I def. don't believe everything I hear these days.

Life is good.. I've always been scared to say that cause then it seems something bad happens.. But I'm learning to appreciate and soak in the good for just what it is..
Life is good

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Sometimes life will throw you a bone..

Every now and then, life will decide to give you a forwarning of things to come. This can be said for today. Rachel was set to have her second dance recital. One of her first wordswhen she was a baby was "dance" and usually first thing in the morning. We put her in class at 18 months of age since she found very little interest in any of the millions of toys that littered our home. None.. zilch..for this child it was music, movement and dance. She took to dance like a fish to water. She watched the DVD of last years performance and all the other numbers a zillion times..mimicing them when she was alone. She still wasn't convinced that she could not perform her Mickey Mouse song and dance again this year.

So the warning signs started last week when she came down w/a terrible cough and congestion bug. Those cooties just refused to leave her alone. She missed her photo session and the second to the last practice. The extreme coughing that often led to throwing up just seemed to take the wind out of her sails. This morning I let her sleep late to rest up since today was The Day.. and it is so very long. It starts w/ a 2 hr. dress rehearsal. Marshes and I missed her first number when we stepped out to converse w/the ducks that live near our PAC facility. Then we caught her second number to "Under the Sea" and she stood there and sucked her thumb.
That's when I knew we were in trouble. So we make it home for some lunch. She crawls into bed w/me for an afternoon nap. I fall, she doesn't..she goes out to play.. no nap..zilch..
Then we are back for the real thing at the PAC at 5 pm. It starts at 6pm and will last until 8.

Before we head out the door we take a few pictures to capture this moment. By the smile on her face I knew we were in for a very long evening. She told me she was scared and I told her that the makeup she now had on would help alot of those fears..
Nothing helped. This child was so tired and just wasn't into dancing today. Earlier in the week, we had bumped into a friend who said she was scared of dancing as this was her first recital. I think that conversation stuck with Rache. So naturally her group danced in the 4th song of the program. And as I feared, she stood there still as a tree. I felt so bad for her. My baby just wasn't into this thing that she had worked so hard at the past 8 months. And she had to patiently wait in the backroom until they were called up again on stage for number number two. And as expected, she stood there and repeated her performance. My heart just broke for her. It was all I could do not to go grab her and hold her tight and let her fall asleep in my arms. No.. they still had the madatory curtain call and bows to get through 45 minutes later. So instead, she watched a movie in the back w/ her friends and we her family tried not to sleep. Tonight had to of been one of the longest 2 hours I have sat through. I am so very proud of this family. Mashes was starving and lasted two hours. John was bored to tears for 2 hours and I was overheated and fighting another ocular migraine. But I am most proud of my baby girl who didn't cry, fight or give up when she just found herself in a painful situation that she found herself in. The fact that these girls (and two boys) even danced at all in front of an audience that exceeded 1000 people is truly amazing to me. Never in amillion years would this kid ever have been able to do that..and at 3yrs of age on top of that? So tonight we all learned some valuable lessons in an uncomfortable situation..and Rachel got an awesome costume to play in and made another group of great friends.. And the interesting thing? We had purchased a one page ad for her and the quote I included along w/her photos was "You can dance anywhere,even if only in your heart".

These past few months she has been trying to decide if she wants to continue with her dancing, or if she wants to try out a preschool program. She's so torn. The decision seems to go back and forth. Time will tell. And the most valuable thing I learned tonight is that I am so grateful that my baby girl isn't pushing so hard to grow up like she has been in the past. It was reassuring to me to see that she is quite happy and content with being a 3 yr. old. And I will try and cherish every single possible moment it takes to be there in THAT moment with her and Marshall as well. For they are growing up way too fast as it is. And my heart will dance with them.